Today
The Daily Dozen
Thursday, October 29. The 12 best stories of the day, so you can stop scrolling.
A deputy dressed as a traffic cone crossed the street and drivers still didn't stop
If you won't stop for a person and you won't stop for a cone, the only remaining option is apparently nothing. This is the most damning traffic study ever performed in a costume.
A giant inflatable pumpkin blew across Wyoming and people thought it was real
Wyoming wind has finally graduated from tipping trucks to staging Halloween fan fiction. Somewhere a homeowner is looking at an empty lawn and asking questions.
One extra year of school in the 1970s paid off decades later
Turns out the extra year everyone moaned about was secretly a long-term investment. A natural experiment that makes every bored teenager's complaint look a little worse in hindsight.
Instagram's boss says the AI hate is only going to get worse
When college kids are booing CEOs at graduation, it doesn't take a forecast to see where the vibes are headed. It's a rare moment of honesty from the guy who's also trying to sell you more of the thing. The calls are coming from inside the house.
Japan and France go to Twitter war over a One Piece flag
Two great nations, centuries of culture, and they're now trading GDP charts over a cartoon pirate flag. Luffy would want everyone to calm down, or at least eat something.
Murder suspect will plead guilty, but only for a cheesesteak
The case itself is grim, so the comedy is all in the bargaining position. It's the most Philadelphia plea negotiation imaginable, and it says plenty about how strong the local sandwich lobby is.
A mayo-less sandwich somehow ends with a Spanish bar customer in prison
Condiment disputes should be settled with a little packet, not a cell. The headline is clearly skipping a few escalation steps, but what a first domino.
Baywatch alum puts her best foot forward on OnlyFans
Running in slow motion on a beach was apparently the warm-up. The feet economy remains one of capitalism's most reliable growth sectors, and she seems to be doing just fine.
Farmer finds ancient 'miracle wheat' in his attic, linked to a Bible passage
Most of us find old tax returns in the attic; this guy found possible climate resilience. Clean out your grandparents' house, people.
The dino-killing asteroid helped set off the ant explosion
The dinosaurs died so the ants at your picnic could thrive. Genetic parasites powering an empire of 15,000 species is the most ant thing imaginable.
Meta is betting your brain still wants a Tamagotchi
The 90s keychain pet that guilt-tripped kids into feeding it is now a growth strategy. Meta has rediscovered that nothing keeps you coming back like a tiny creature that might starve.
A maxed-out touchscreen MacBook Pro costs $14,549
That's a used car you can fold shut. The nano-texture glass is a bargain at $150, though, so really it's all about perspective.